My Dearest Darlings, it will undoubtedly come as no surprise whatsoever to you that Ms Coco LaVerne is not a fan of football. You may very well inexplicably adore the sport, you may endlessly speculate on the minutiae of each match and player formation, you perhaps even attend the occasional game, you may scuttle to your flag emblazoned homes to merrily view the endless television broadcasts that are forever pumped over the airwaves filled with ex-footballing pundits that insist on speculating and chastising the methodologies of this camel coated manager, or that.
This pursuit though utterly unappealing to my good self is an activity that you are entitled to, in itself anything that keeps your ruddy ignorant little faces glued to a television and out of sight somewhere is a welcome side effect of this cultural obsession. However the sheer number of fans that litter the urban landscape post and pre-match is an unfortunate reality that forever sends your wondrous commentator into a downward spiral of utter and all consuming lightless despair, I can barely halt the pure black bile that begs for evacuation when the mindless yobs that admittedly reflect the minority of football fans insist on howling their animalistic ear curdling support for whichever football club they are enamoured by.
Recently two Sky Television sports pundits quite exquisitely revealed the true breadth of their intelligence by objectifying and flippantly mocking a brave young woman who dared to enter the sacred world of testosterone and Lynx body spray to referee a football match. The recent furore surrounding this wonderfully stupid display reveals perfectly how threatened this masculine universe is. As mind numbingly dull and vomit inducing fellow broadcasters jumped to their defence to claim that they were ‘only joking’ and to ‘lay off’ these thoroughly decent chaps, somewhere a young woman’s hope of equality faded. Somewhere a thoroughly confused and blank eyed bimbo opted for a breast enhancement operation. Somewhere a young boy’s stereotypical views on women’s liberation became more deeply entrenched. For as these pundit’s stupidity is superficially punished the fact remains that footballers and the lifestyle they represent is esteemed and glorified to all.
An original complaint? No! Depressingly true? Alas, Yes.
For those of you that are willing and somehow able to insert the enjoyment of football into a full and complex life brimming with intellectual stimulation and exploration, Ms Coco LaVerne remains forever confused by your motivations.
Much Love Ms Coco LaVerne