Wednesday, 20 February 2008

Britney Spears

Dearest Darlings, I pity you; you have lost your way:

From my privileged position as globe trotting glamour puss, I see the error of your ways. Take the tragic case of Britney Spears.
When Britney the ‘Lolita’ first danced her way through her make-believe high school, I felt somewhat uncomfortable. As she hurriedly came to terms with the sexual allure that had been thrust upon her by prurient management companies she predictably lost her way. The poor girl moments out of her trailer park bedroom suddenly found she possessed GLAMOUR! This power is wasted on the weak; it overwhelms and corrupts young simple minds.

When I saw that poor girl struggle to articulate her new world in endless show biz interviews it became blatantly apparent that the girl was way out of her depth. Spouting endless platitudes and new-age nonsense, it was clear to me as the ultimate example of grace and charm, that there were no foundations for her to build herself the sparkling identity that fame and riches can occasionally promise.

On the much maligned silver screen of yesteryear girls where usually depicted as children. Shirley Temple wasn’t wearing provocative gymslips that emphasised her budding breasts. Judy Garland famously depicted Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz; she portrayed a young lady coming to terms with the realities of a harsh cruel world; thought provoking and beguiling she was not sexualised as a precocious chanteuse.

So my darlings as Britney Spears transforms before you from this:

To this, let it be a warning to you, glamour is a gift. I of course was born with it; some of you may be able to aspire to it, but very few will inhabit it and treat it with the respect and awe it deserves.

So to Britney the only hope she has now is to learn from her mistakes. She and the very, very few of you who have been prematurely overwhelmed by glamour can do only one thing; take a long sabbatical; you have to let your probably contemptible intellect catch up with the awesome power that has been bestowed upon you, remember; with great glamour comes great responsibility.

Love as Always the fabulous Ms Coco LaVerne.