Wednesday, 14 January 2009

Happy New Fear!

My Dearest Darlings, it is January and in the absence of any mental challenge designed to enhance and transform your mundane lives for the better you lazily turn to the assessment of your body’s potential for elegantly transporting you through the coming year. The winter months are harsh my dears, your blotched skin is weather worn and dehydrated, your hair has turned to frizz, your bloated bellies protrude and your aging bones creak under the pressure of your seasonal weight gain. Having recently thrown what little caution you have to the metaphorical wind you now rest your empty heads in your hands, despairing at the amount of weight that has gathered unattractively around your mid-riff.

Thankfully the New Year brings with it a gamut of minor celebrities releasing various fitness DVD’s, each depicting their miraculous transformation from fat bloated ‘has-been’ to newly re-generated example of physical perfection, this cynical ploy is intended to encourage you to slip your flabby forms into neon lycra and prance around your over decorated interiors to some pumping pop beat! Their triumph over the adversity of weight gain is designed to inspire and cajole you to throw what little money you have left into the pockets of the vast diet and fitness industry, an industry that exploits your perennial fear of being fat and unattractive post-party season.

However miraculous the makeover the guilty celebrities simply become thinner versions of themselves; usually superficial vacuous puppets for an industry designed to undermine and depress your plump little selves. I’m certain that whatever your limited aspirations are for the year ahead your swollen silhouettes are more than appropriate for the task. Do not let this insidious industry seduce you into believing that by purchasing some cheaply made ‘work-out’ DVD that you too will be able to bask in the cultural glory of such physical transformation.

All that is necessary to remove excess fat is to burn off more calories than you consume. That is it, no need for military exercise regime or sassily packaged DVD simply EAT LESS, and MOVE MORE; a sentiment that has interestingly been promoted by the British government who have just launched an advertising campaign, the message is suspiciously similar to my own comments on diet and health last year. Though to claim credit for such a concept would be crass in the extreme, sometimes good sense does trickle up to the echelons of power.

Good Luck to you all and much love as ever the perpetually svelte Ms Coco LaVerne x