Monday, 27 October 2008

Bonnie and Clyde

My Dearest Darlings, This Morning’s Philip Schofield and Fern Britton have undoubtedly become national institutions, their on screen chemistry and occasional blunders have endeared them to the nation. They have become the ‘Bonnie and Clyde’ of daytime TV by gently challenging the daytime modus operandi with double entendres and play ground innuendo. Their platonic friendship is an example to you all and is a welcome alternative to the married TV couples that so dominate your day-time screens.

Their cultural defiance knows no bounds Mr Schofield bravely ceased to dye his hair brown and now basks in his new found Silver Fox status. Ms Britton caused Furore with her ‘secret’ gastric band operation and despite being accused of duping the viewers into believing her weight loss was simply due to healthy diet and regular exercise miraculously continues to stand for sincerity and decency.

When Philip Schofield and Fern Britton recently clashed with Ms Kerry Katona it was a perfect realisation of the so called ‘Car Crash TV’ moment. Millions of you watched slack jawed as Ms Katona tripped and fumbled over her ill chosen words, a side effect of a prescription drug taken to treat an apparent bi-polar disorder. I am of course surprised that anyone would notice a change in this woman’s diction; she is a step up from a fish-wife at best and is hardly known for her sultry toned elocution. Despite this the concerned amongst you rang the show desperately fearful for her well being.

Philip Schofield and Fern Britton demonstrated their bravery by challenging Ms Katona, they managed to simultaneously confront and charm the catastrophic Z-lister with a series of carefully crafted and generously diplomatic questions. Though she squirmed and ‘drunkenly’ fought her corner their enquiries could hardly be seen as attack, though a subsequent statement claimed that Kerry had felt affronted by the line of questioning. Consequently a battle of popularity has waged on-line, on-air and on TV though general opinion and sympathy continues for ‘Philip and Fern’ who are set to reign supreme in this particular battle of the innocuous.

By appearing on This Morning in such a sorry state Kerry Katona has sabotaged her delicate public position and has foolishly dared to challenge this mighty daytime duo by claiming that they are at fault! She has even had the audacity to say she is no longer a ‘friend of the show’. This female personification of ineptitude has stupidly burnt her bridges, as this stalwart daytime fixture is the place to publicly rebuild ones cracked and crumbled reputation.

If her recent display was a ‘car crash’ she should now be in the pit stop getting an overhaul. Her recent disastrous television appearance was intended to promote her most recent make-over and the related titillating TV show though it is not a physical transformation she needs. This pitiful shell of a woman is sure to end up on the slag heap of post celebrity unless she rebuilds her personality and her onscreen friendship with the thoroughly decent ‘Philip and Fern’.

Once again a tale to warn the ill prepared of the tribulations of the fame game, a tale I astutely predicted would continue to spiral out of control here where I offer a more sympathetic reading of the poor girl, though this particular personality is in danger of losing the support of you! The ones that created her!

Once again Bravo to Philip and Fern whose sincerity and heartfelt concern is unending and barely worthy of those of you who so ungratefully receive it!

Much Love as Always

Ms Coco LaVerne x