Wednesday, 29 October 2008

Trick or Treat?

My Dear Sweet Darlings, it is Halloween on Friday! With this tedious season of trick and treat comes an avalanche of culturally sanctioned high jinx and malicious misdemeanour, your shops are filled with an arsenal of weapons, costumes and accessories to assist. You then innocently parade your sweet little tots through dimly lit suburban streets dressed as flesh eating zombies or monstrous chimeras, you mischievously knock on the doors of the neighbour you barely know and either nonchalantly demand reward for your offspring or senselessly sanction punishment at the hands of them. All in the name of a culturally diluted ritual that is part of a bastardised festival that you have no desire or interest in properly understanding.

This early promotion of mischief is something you hope your toddler will grow out of as if they do not disaster may follow. Your sweet little monsters may grow up to congregate on street corners terrifying the meek, they may set fireworks off frightening local cats and dogs. Regrettably if careless, their toy explosives may unexpectedly blast into their face dissolving their sweet little expressions, transforming their angelic smiles into hideous distorted versions of the Halloween masks they once wore. They may even make ‘hilarious’ prank calls to the fire department suggesting that there is a life threatening blaze taking control of 32 Main Street. A fire engine may urgently race to the location only to realise that some adolescent thug has made yet another a hoax call, sadly across town a family will perish in a fire un-extinguished by otherwise engaged firemen.

You hope your teenage reprobate will grow out of this abuse, humiliation and vandalism as it is not what proper adult society involves. Though you would of course be wrong as is proved presently with the account of Jonathan Ross and Russell Brand who have managed to get themselves into a ‘bit of a pickle’ by publicly making a prank call, much to the hilarity of their BBC Radio 2 audience.

This terrible twosome has somewhat prematurely ejaculated their humorous antics on to the airwaves though the consequences are perfectly timed for the Halloween Holiday. In my usual unwavering research I listened to the phone calls in question made to the answering machine of Andrew Sachs. It is, as one would expect a childish outburst which most offensively regards the possible sexual conquest of Andrew Sachs granddaughter, Georgina Baillie by the famously philandering Russell Brand.

What is surprising about this particular news story is not the offensive misogyny displayed by Mr Ross and Mr Brand; it is not the bad taste in which it was delivered, nor that the BBC so inefficiently mishandled the incident. What is most surprising is the astonishment that has been displayed by the country. An article appearing on-line received over 18,000 “outraged of Shepard’s Bush’ type remarks. The ‘outrage’ amazingly garnered comment at the House of Commons, raised a statement from David Cameron and even induced the Prime Minister Gordon Brown to react, all of whom chastised the BBC for allowing the pre-recorded show to be broadcast and calling for the presenters to be punished and/or sacked for their atrocious and unacceptable behaviour.

Once again your culture displays a quite remarkable hypocrisy and you lap it up obediently, claiming that you’re outraged and insulted, demanding that the vastly overpaid Mr Ross and slightly less vastly overpaid Mr Brand are instantly thrown out of the BBC for their utter disrespect.

I am in no way defending the particularly smarmy Jonathan Ross, I am no fan of this personality and have a very low opinion of his Friday Night show an opinion I expressed here some weeks ago. Mr Brand is a little less offensive, his intelligence and wit is undeniable though I do not approve of his disregard for the feelings of the women he so publicly pursues. Though the BBC has employed these personalities because of their offensive idiosyncrasies, they frequently display their misogyny ands occasional homophobia and manage to generally offend but it is for this behaviour that they have achieved their success. A success that is both depressing and abhorrent to my own disposition though it is your culture and you have become used to wallowing in its viciousness.

I suggest the reason for the feigned outrage is that Ross and Brand have violently penetrated the traditional suburban home stead of the revered white grandparent. In calling the home of this 78 year old veteran actor to make prurient remarks regarding his granddaughter the pair entered the domain of the ‘old school tie’. Where humour is only allowed when aimed elsewhere! It is acceptable to witness the defilement of women when one is sat glazed in front of a TV screen as long as it is not ‘their’ woman. It is when comedians enter the world of the white patriarchal male that outrage erupts. This is why Cameron stepped in, why Brown called time and why the BBC will have their wrist slapped.

Comic actor Andrew Sachs failed to see the irony in this invasion, he who began his career lampooning a Spanish waiter in Fawlty Towers a seventies sit-com famed for its depiction of a xenophobic hotelier. Sadly the vast majority of your so-called comedy and satire is aimed everywhere but where it is needed most at your bloated white ‘gentlemen’ that grotesquely slump in their evening arm chairs chuckling at anyone but themselves.

In the continuation of this Halloween themed tale Georgina Baillie also happens to be known as ‘Voluptua’ an alter ego that performs with the ‘Satanic Sluts’ together they perform as pole dancing vampires. She has already placed herself on the sacrificial table by agreeing to be interviewed by The Sun Newspaper. And so begins the vilification and sacrifice of a young woman struggling to find her way in a world that despises femininity unless it is packaged, controlled and exploited by the patriarchal masses.

So beware little children, tricks and treats may seem like harmless hocus pocus though the hypocrisy and double standards of your society punish the foolish who fail to understand society’s amorphous rules and regulations.

Happy Halloween

Much Love Ms Coco Laverne X