Sunday, 24 February 2008


My Darlings I feel it is my responsibility to explain to you what authentic glamour is and on this blog the majority of my words will help elucidate this nebulous term. Though as I cast my beautiful all-knowing eyes around the despicable world that increasingly consumes you it seems that the solipsistic majority have lost not only the knowledge of what true glamour is but have sadly lost the desire to aspire to its lofty heights.

Dictionaries have various ways of explaining the complexities of the word. The 1913 Webster version is as follows; 1. “A charm affecting the eye, making objects appear different from what they really are” 2. “Witchcraft; magic; a spell –Tennyson” 3.” A kind of haze in the air, causing things to appear different from what they really are”. Subsequently dictionaries have been augmented but it is these definitions that best capture the true meaning of glamour; though these phrases only partially define the true qualities of ‘glamour’ and what it takes to possess it.

Currently the bar is placed so low that almost anyone can be ordained as personifying glamour and they seldom deserve the privilege. Lets take the widely vilified Victoria Beckham; I must start by congratulating her efforts for attempting to socially climb out of what are undoubtedly lowly beginnings and yes, it has to be said that ostensibly Victoria Beckham ticks some of the boxes required to enter the ranks of the glamorous, though sadly she has made the mistake that so many bewildered plebeians make; that is to simply look the part.

In her frequently photographed public appearances Victoria Beckham has the deportment of a five year old girl who has raided her mother’s dressing up box, admittedly it is a well stocked dressing up box with garments from some of the most respected designers but sadly she does not inhabit the garb she races to adopt.

Sadly darling Victoria is missing several crucial ingredients of genuine glamour. Victoria’s inane expression is unsettling; rather than aim to communicate the wondrous ample intuitive intelligence of womanhood she selects to impersonate the mindless mannequins that decorated the windows of the shopping malls Victoria undoubtedly inhabited during her formative years. Victoria is a perfectly polished surface, merely and inevitably an empty vacuous shell.

To elucidate this point I need only draw your attention to her antithesis, a truly glamorous individual; Erin O’Conner: Erin is haughty, elegant and self possessing, with an air of wit and humour that Victoria Beckham aspires to yet persistently fails to embody.

Some may say that Erin has the X-Factor though I think it is an identifiable charm that separates her from the ‘wannabe’s’. Charm harps back to the magical spell-binding qualities that the original meaning of the word communicates. Sadly Victoria lacks this charm and as a result will forever be in the shadow of her glamorous superiors.

But please don’t think I personally dislike the poor darling she is I’m sure a pleasant but mediocre girl who is trying her best in her own version of the never ending torment that we all find ourselves constantly toiling in. She is aspiring to the glamorous and we should all at least try but here I am helping to set the standard. It will be an exhausting process as so many of you are sat, eyes blank, brains sapped by endless inanity; though here my precious Darlings I will prod your flaccid minds and awaken your inner divinity.

Love as always the Astonishing Ms Coco LaVerne.