Saturday, 16 April 2011

The Royal Wedding

Dearest Darlings it is at last the month of April when bleary eyed translucent faced layabouts finally emerge into the blinding silvery light of spring. Magnolia trees sprinkle their milky petals of peachy pinkness onto your suburban streets, like over sized confetti trimming your romantic perambulations with sickly sweet floral scents, your streets become ceremonial wedding aisles that temporarily promise optimism and hope after a long dark and lonesome winter. Spring of course with its connotations of love and copulation is a traditional time for weddings though it is of the talk of one in particular that drifts across the parlours and terraces of London this year; the Royal Wedding of Prince William and Katherine Middleton.

The celebration of heterosexual love within ones community is on the surface a pleasing and optimistic carnival of support for a usually young couple embarking on their heterosexual life together, whichever the coupling the wedding party tittle-tattle will disparage or encourage the holy union depending on their allegiance though when it comes to the marriage of royalty a whole new level of debate ensues. In this case the population of the world becomes the wedding party all with their own idiosyncratic ill-informed opinions and objections.

The notion of the royal family is an understandable one, one that lies at the heart of humanities societal structure from small tribal societies where one ‘elder’ was esteemed into a position of authority and whose forefathers where respected for being related to that esteemed individual. The idea of the Royal Family has the potential to operate as a positive ideal to your cretinous masses, and symbolically lead your society’s values internationally.

Though historically this Royal Family is symbolic of the violent pillaging and brutal reallocation of wealth and resources from continents across the globe from Africa to the Americas the United Kingdom has unceremoniously been responsible for depleting the peaceful of their natural treasures from diamonds to wildlife. The creation of the Commonwealth in the name of Queen Victoria is truly the shame of Britain, from the quite insensitive renaming of Lake Ukerewe to Lake Victoria by the Victorian explorer John Hanning Speke symbolising perfectly the disregard for the native population and its history.

A subject expertly explored in the forthcoming exhibition of Dallas Seitz at Carter Presents, London (preview Friday 8th April)

This legacy reluctantly forgotten by the world has enabled the current Royal Family to be transformed into sweet doddering old ladies and sweet doddering old men, who go on to create a new generation of sweet doddering young ladies and sweet doddering young men. Gluttonous from their pillaged wealth the royal family not only use the inherited riches of their looting to recline in their palaces they have consistently charged you for the privilege of their existence.
They seldom have the capacity to represent themselves as anything other than a dysfunctional family. They rarely embody any notion or ideal of glamour. Where once they were able to maintain a sense of mystique, they are now as much paparazzi fodder as your dullard celebrities.

Inevitably armies of tea towel touters, commemorative cup creators and perfunctory plate procurers produce endless quantities of tat. You blindly and obediently march to purchase the palace’s merchandise, paying over the odds for whichever tickles your fancy goods eye. And so you quite literally buy into the notion of this celebration which is already costing you much. Your Englishmen’s Castles are then filled to the turrets with Royal Memorabilia; residuals of reigns, past current and future.  

Though My Darlings I do not wish this young couple ill; Prince William has had his troubles and of course I would be a cold heartless harridan if my cockles were not warmed by this ‘jolly hockey sticks’ young couple, Prince William after all had the misfortune of being born into this dysfunctional dynasty, and Katherine must be truly in love with this royal simpleton if she is willing to sacrifice her anonymity for riches beyond her wildest dreams. If you in your ignorance choose to celebrate with a street or tea party I sincerely hope it goes swimmingly, and I wholeheartedly wish them well.

Much Love Ms Coco LaVerne X