Tuesday, 15 April 2008

Rolling Stone!

Above; David Hoyle, Bird-Girl, Coco LaVerne at Club Brenda!

My Dearest Darlings, I have been away for a while and have been unable to write with the frequency you have come to rely on, for this I must apologise. I have been ridiculously busy amongst many of my recent duties I recently graced Club Brenda with my presence and was delighted to have my portrait painted by the fabulous David Hoyle. I also met some simply gorgeous characters throughout the night. Of course I remained simply perfect throughout as so many of you kindly commented on, for this I thank you, you are gleaming examples of the enlightened few which miraculously remain immune from the mind numbingly dull average folk that infest the world.

So to my current concern, the deranged and bewildering Joss Stone, to start with I must say that I think her singing voice is not unremarkable, sultry and soulful a voice rich far beyond her years. Though sadly I think this is the problem, she has been thrown into a career far too early another example of precociousness gone array. Catapulted into stardom state side the ‘English Rose’ has come over all ‘ghetto’, her not so recent appearance at the Brit awards an embarrassment to the whole of the country, even the dimmest of you noticed the Americanised accent that had inexplicably entered her parlance. She was quickly ridiculed in the gutter press and her shame was such that her press agent cancelled all future publicity calls to promote her most recent album. Perhaps a canny decision from her ‘people’ saved her from yet more criticism of this poor deluded youth play acting the role of ‘soul diva’.

So then why may I ask have these same ‘people’ sanctioned her recent outing as the new Flake girl for the legendary and iconic series of advertisements for Cadburys? Is she attempting to reclaim her crown as barefooted country hippy girl who sweetly sings whilst wandering through an English country meadow on this side of the pond whilst simultaneously embodying the Vanilla Ice ‘white soul sensation’ label in the good ole US of A? I, My Darlings I am sadly fully aware of how utterly retarded the majority of you are, though I must give you some credit, surely even you can see through the ploy.

I hate violence, can’t bare it, would never usually sanction it, though reluctantly I take great pleasure in recommending that someone give the darling girl a short and efficient little slap around the face for this cynical deception. Perhaps this will bring the poor darling to her senses, she urgently needs to realise the error of her ways and has to with some emergency challenge the stylists who have made some of her most recent and alarmingly questionable wardrobe decisions. Yet again I must remind the youth that to achieve true success one must embody true authenticity, a difficult demand I know. Though I must qualify the above by apportioning the majority of the blame to the ‘people’ that surround these young starlets, these frequently gifted young people should not be thought of as ‘cash cows’. They need nurturing so to protect them from the harsh realities of a world that has clearly come undone.

With Love the Stunningly Beautiful and Wise Ms Coco LaVerne x